I'm running my mind into this....

I'm sitting on the red chair Jimmy used to sleep on now. It's kinda smelly, but I always love this chair, since the first time I saw this thing.

random.

I don't know why, but I just feel like I want to write something on this blog. Just to mumble, or anything, whatsoever to escape from this suffocating air.

Well, let's just start the mumble.

It is December 23, a day to go to christmas time. And I don't have companion to go to church with. Ibuk is going to spend christmas time in Jakarta, accompanying Mbah Putri. Bapak is here in Jogja, but yeah, he doesn't go to the church. He's not celebrating christmas, overall, he's not celebrating anything. Actually I have option to spend christmas mass with my brother and her wife's family. But idk, I just feel, I don't think I should go with them.. Christmas is family time, and I'm nobody in theirs. I don't belong there. Still confused though, or maybe I'll just go to the church alone.. Sounds quite good, I guess. :)

December will end soon also, which means we have to wave goodbye to 2010 and say hello to 2011. Well, honestly, it is kinda hurt to remember about new year. Last year I celebrated it with my family plus one. The one and the first, and maybe the only. And Deyik was still there with us all. Breathing, yelled to the fireworks, kissed me on the cheek, and said her hello to him (Oh God, I really miss Deyik. Kiss her for me, tell her I really love her). Seeing on the condition now, that I should miss 2 people I really love in the celebration is kinda sad. But see the good side, I'm having Bapak, Ibu, Mas Ian, Mbak Tha, and little Narendra (minus two, plus one.. say hello! He's a newcomer) here. What a rare occasion, and the minus two shouldn't take away my smile for this moment. Smile up, me!

And the most annoying thing after peaceful christmas and new year celebration is.....

*Ta-Dah*

FINAL EXAMINATION. (For God's sake I really want to skip this part)

Haven't study anything. At all.

4 final projects to be done before the exam date. None of it has done, none has even started yet.

Approx. a week to the exam date.

I have... 24...25(happy xmas!)...26...27...28...29...30...31...1(new year! yippie!)...2...and 3.

1o days. 4 projects. study for chapterSSS.

Oh God, what should I do now?

:desperate:

Time feels really hard nowadays. College not getting easier, otherwise it become more stressful and killing-me-slowly. Then, something that happened lately, is... idk what to say. It is painful. It is suffocating. Letting go of something is never easy. But in the other hand, I feel like I release something heavy. Taken over by something like 'emptiness'. I cannot define which one is better for me now. Just let it flow, let life guides, God has the way. At least that the only thing that keep my sanity in hard times, believing in God's plan. :)

And by the way, how does the double-degree and exchange thingy going? For now, I think I don't care... :p I don't even make any effort to get the recommendation letter, or just to take IELTS preparation, no plan of taking the IELTS/TOEFL test or whatever, simply, I have no eager of joining this program, nothing to lose I guess. The only thing I'm concerning at now is a design short-course in Jakarta during the holiday next January till February. So..... let's see whether I'll really take the course or not, whether I'll chase the exchange chance next year or not. Those all really depends on my mood later... nanananana~

graah! I've had myself mumble all the way... this long?

okay.

1:10 am.

time to sleep.

I pray for a good dreams, for you and me.

cheers, K

:)