"Januari 2009. Awal yang buruk. I suddenly lost direction. Gak tau harus kemana. Tiba-tiba jalan yang udah gua planning bercabang ke segala arah. Situasi yang berbeda, medan yang berbeda, pertimbangan yang bikin pusing. Gua bingung..." kutipan dari jurnal pribadi, jaman SMA kelas 3.

Oktober 2010... Nyaris 2 tahun sejak tulisan itu ditulis. Serba berbeda, saat ini dan saat itu. Sudah bukan anak SMA, no more "why so serious?", no more putih abu-abu, no more prayitwinarso :p. Sudah gak harus bertarung dengan UAN, sudah dicap lulus (puji Tuhan), sudah diberi predikat alumnus (puji Tuhan, lagi). Sudah gak dituntut cari kuliah, sudah duduk tenang(?) di FEB UGM yang, entahlah, saya harap ini yang terbaik..

Satu hal yang sama....

saya masih gak tau....

.....harus kemana?

Jalan yang hilang itu masih belum saya temukan...

Seriously, I never felt such thing like this before.

Feeling all alone.

Even though I am not alone.

And I'm saying goodnight...

to the silent sky.

to all little crickets on their concert hall called nature.

to all road rats who unbeknownst waited to be flattened by car’s tires or truck’s.

to the cheesy midnight TV shows.

to my messy little room.

to the empty chair downstair.

to my hanged-high-school-uniform I miss to wear in every morning Monday to Thursday.

to the drops falling from the tap in the bathroom.

to unwanted insects around.

to silly old photographs.

to my missing childhood innocence.

to my dysfunctional but amazing family.

to this independence country that keeps yelling out loud their independence try to look proud by saying that but seems unsure of it.

to all creativity that being killed by something called rules.

to the long road and the journey.

to my used-to-be-favorite-lullaby he played.

to the midnight-morning-calls usually rang by 2 a.m.

to my doggy dolls that usually taken by my passed away grandma to be put on her side.

to the creepy but calm and comfortable rooftop.

to the dust all over my desk.

to dirty clothes wait to be washed.

to the annoying cockroach that pee on my neck and leaving stain like it being smooched.

to people who always come and go.

to tired brain that keeps thinking the unnecessary.

to sleepy eyes that don’t want to be shut.

to mind that always talking and don’t want to be muted.

to all useless regrets.

to my un-replied text.

to all laughs over hidden crying.

to all dreams wanted to be realized.

to all the bitter truth.

to the waiting sunrise on the east horizon.

to you.

goodnight, sweet dreams.